I am sad.

Once again I am sad. There are no days sadder than those when you say her name. Maybe you were just telling a story, a joke perhaps, giving me an example… but it hurts. It hurts knowing you think about her, that something I’ve said makes your brain wonder until you reach the destination of her face. It hurts that you see no difference between us. It hurts knowing that I am the same as her, mediocritize me. Sometimes I feel the need to scream “I AM MORE” because what always drew me into you was the fact that you are more for me, and I just wanna be what you are for me because i know how that feels. There are so many words I feel the need to say, when I talk about you, but what sums it all up is.. you are “something more”. I do not know what is exactly what makes me always come running back to you anytime something goes wrong, but you are THAT for me and it hurts knowing I am just “that” for you.And what hurts the most? It hurts thinking that someday we will not be what we are now, as little as I have with you… this is all I have. This right here with you, this is real and it feels right, it feels amazing, just talking, just joking, just being with you is an experience I want to keep forever within my soul and mind. I am sad because I know I can always find someone else, but will I ever find something else? I can always be in search for a person but after you, I will be in search of a soul, a feeling. I am sad because after you, I know, I am not in search for someone else, I am in search for you in someone else. I am sad because I am scared you will not search for me more than you already did.


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